Meditation Diary: Entry No. 1

I started meditating at around 10:50 PM. It was the deepest meditation I have ever experienced to date. While in a meditative space, I could see and feel the “space” that was behind my eye lids expand. I felt like I was in a different world. I concentrated on this without any thoughts interfering. I could also feel my third eye opening which is something I often experience. It’s like tingling sensation or a pressure close to the center of my forehead. I could clearly feel the blood flowing through my veins and my heart beating. It was pure bliss and I did not want to stop. I meditated for about 50 minutes. This was the longest time I have ever mediated. It did not feel that long though. Time seemed to escape from me during this period.

I think I may have been entering the astral realm. I would sink deeper into myself and I remember having this feeling of my body and soul/spirit separating. I cannot explain what this felt like. It was more of an intuitive feeling. I had a few fleeting images of myself as I was during this state as well as the sky and lights. This, however, did not last long.

As one would expect, I felt calm and at peace when I came out of meditation. However, very shortly after I started to become very aware of my own body and it felt like I was out of reality. I began to have distressing thoughts. What if the mediation caused this? What if I never feel calm and at peace again? These thoughts along with my already anxious state transpired into a panic attack. I felt like I was back where I started (I dealt with panic and anxiety my whole life). I couldn't make sense of what was happening.

I decided to do some research and I became bombarded with articles about the “negative” effects of mediation. My mind ran away with some ridiculous ideas which only exacerbated my panic attack. I slept on it, did a bit more research, and vented to my dad. I came up with a few ideas as to what was happening.

1. The first explanation is that I simply started over thinking, as I often do, and my body responded with anxiety. It had nothing to do with meditation and was merely a coincidence. Pretty basic and self explanatory.

2. The next explanation is that mediation can bring to surface suppressed anxiety. Anxiety that we have not come to terms with. This happens so that we can come to terms with it, put it in our past, and move on. It’s an emotional, mental, or spiritual detox if you will.

I feel that explanation 2 is more likely because of the way I choose to handle the situation. In the past, I would have let anxiety take over me or try so hard to suppress it. This time was different. I acknowledged that I was feeling anxiety but I did not attach any reason to it nor did I attach myself to it. Similar to what happened to me during mediation, I separated myself from the anxiety. Something that I was unable to do, nor would I want to, in the past. The symptoms of anxiety and panic slowly started to subside and I could feel myself come back to baseline which actually felt a little more relaxed than what it usually does. Yes, this was an uncomfortable experience. But with it, I feel like I am stronger mentally and spiritual.

August 1, 2016

Meditation For Dummies

No, I don't think you (or anyone) are dummies. But I found this title appropriate because most people think meditation is a lot more complicated than what it is.

Let me ask you something. How do you (generally speaking) meditate? What comes to your mind? Maybe you feel you need to get a pillow or blanket, sit down with your legs in full lotus, back straight, eyes closed. Maybe you think you need candles, dim lighting, music, chants and prayers. And there is a good chance that most people think they must clear their mind of all thoughts. 

Sure, these things can be done during meditation. I'm sure many people do. But they are not a requirement. Meditation is much simpler than what you may think. And that, in itself, is what makes meditation, well, meditation. Simplicity is key. 

Can you breathe? Yes. Then you can meditate. 

But isn't meditation suppose to be about clearing your mind of all thoughts? That is a goal of meditation, yes. But if you go into meditation with the expectation that you are not going to think, you are likely to get frustrated and give up.

I find this comparison helps people understand a little better. Let's say someone asks you to do 3 pull ups. If you do not work out and you have poor upper body strength, you are probably unable to this. But that does not mean the potential isn't there. If you started going to the gym and practiced, you will be able to do 3 pull ups in no time. Your brain works in a similar way. You need to "exercise" your brain in order to obtain a clear, conscious state of mind. 

Also, what happens when I tell you to NOT think of a pink elephant. Odds are, you thought of a pink elephant. I can promise you that the harder you try to suppress a thought, the more that thought is going to push back into your mind. That's my experience, anyways.

I'm going to share with you some tips that can help you with your meditation practice.

1. Get comfy

Whatever this means to you. I usually lie down. I find that if I sit up, I squirm to try to get comfy. Some people prefer sitting in chairs. Try different positions to see what works best for you.

2. Show gratitude

It doesn't matter to who or for what. It could be for the person who held open the door while you were carrying a bag of groceries. It could be for the glass of water you're drinking. I find that showing gratitude helps to center me and it brings me to the present moment. 

3. Let go expectations

You may have heard stories of people's experiences during and after meditation. If you go into meditation hoping and anticipating that something will happen, not only will it probably not happen but it will take you from the present moment. This is the opposite of what meditation is. Let go of any expectations. Just be in the moment and go with the flow.

4. Find something to focus on

This could be your breath, music, your body, a prayer or mantra. Anything. 

5. Let your mind wander

Yes, I said it. This is probably the opposite of what you heard. Now, I'm not saying to actively think and run with it. What I mean is that it's okay for weird and wonderful thoughts to occur. If they do (and they will), acknowledge your thought, set it aside (not literally), and with open arms, let the next thought come to mind if it so chooses to. Repeat this process it. Accept it and move on.

6. Bring you focus back

When you acknowledge that you are thinking, set that thought aside by bringing your focus back to your breath, mantra, etc that we discussed in tip 4.  

Step 5 and 6 will occur in cycles. With practice, you will have more focus and concentration and less thoughts

Don't give up! Continuing your practice even when it seems impossible is when the magic happens. 

Be present and accepting. Go with the flow. Most importantly, enjoy the process. 

Ang