Why You Will Never Be Completely Free Of Anxiety

Even though I have come a long way, I still have anxiety. Or at least, I can have anxiety. Let me explain myself.

I was always a basket case growing up. I think I felt anxious more than I felt calm. But in my early 20s, I experienced a shift which is what I share on Confessions Of An Awakened Youth.

But these Spiritual practices that I follow does not mean that I am 100% anxiety free. You must know that you will never find a solution to get rid of anxiety. Why? Because some anxiety is normal. I'll explain why through example. 

Imagine that you are walking home alone at night and you see a short cut which involves walking down a dark ally. You don't get a good feeling about it and you start to feel anxious. That's good! The anxiety will prompt you to be alert or find an alternative way home. Anxiety can save your life. Why would you want to get rid of that?

 For the rest of our lives we are going to be faced with uncertainty which will involve some degree of anxiety. The good news is that you can live a more care free and happy life than an anxious life. It's how you respond to anxiety that is key.

A couple hours ago, I was faced with uncertainty and technically I still face it. What triggered my anxiety involves my job so I don't want to get into details about it. But I felt myself rise and even panic. I wanted the matter addressed ASAP and I wasn't going to relax until it has been resolved. But it's Friday evening and there isn't anyone to help me until Monday.

Do I really want to be anxious for the rest of the weekend? Am I really going to let this take me from the present moment over the next couple of days? 

No.

I took a step back and looked at the outcomes of the situation: 1. the situation is resolved in my favor and 2. the situation is not resolved in my favor. 

Obviously the first outcome is the most desirable. But it's the uncertainty of the situation that causes the anxiety. And what happens if outcome number 2 comes to fruition? Well, I'll just deal with it. The world won't end. It will be OK. It's always OK at the end of the day. I am capable and strong even to handle any situation that comes my way. And so are you. 

You must be mindful. You must be in the present moment even if (when) anxiety rears it's ugly head. 

I hope this blog helps with your anxiety. If nothing else, I hope that it encourages you be mindful and feel fearless. It's a liberating thing when you can face your anxiety.

Thanks for reading,

Ang

Other meditation blogs you may like:

Don't Have Time To Meditate? Read This! https://confessionsofanawakenedyouth.blogspot.ca/2017/06/dont-have-time-to-meditate-read-this.html

Meditation For Dummies
https://confessionsofanawakenedyouth.blogspot.ca/2017/04/meditation-for-dummies.html

Meditation Diary: Entry No. 1

I started meditating at around 10:50 PM. It was the deepest meditation I have ever experienced to date. While in a meditative space, I could see and feel the “space” that was behind my eye lids expand. I felt like I was in a different world. I concentrated on this without any thoughts interfering. I could also feel my third eye opening which is something I often experience. It’s like tingling sensation or a pressure close to the center of my forehead. I could clearly feel the blood flowing through my veins and my heart beating. It was pure bliss and I did not want to stop. I meditated for about 50 minutes. This was the longest time I have ever mediated. It did not feel that long though. Time seemed to escape from me during this period.

I think I may have been entering the astral realm. I would sink deeper into myself and I remember having this feeling of my body and soul/spirit separating. I cannot explain what this felt like. It was more of an intuitive feeling. I had a few fleeting images of myself as I was during this state as well as the sky and lights. This, however, did not last long.

As one would expect, I felt calm and at peace when I came out of meditation. However, very shortly after I started to become very aware of my own body and it felt like I was out of reality. I began to have distressing thoughts. What if the mediation caused this? What if I never feel calm and at peace again? These thoughts along with my already anxious state transpired into a panic attack. I felt like I was back where I started (I dealt with panic and anxiety my whole life). I couldn't make sense of what was happening.

I decided to do some research and I became bombarded with articles about the “negative” effects of mediation. My mind ran away with some ridiculous ideas which only exacerbated my panic attack. I slept on it, did a bit more research, and vented to my dad. I came up with a few ideas as to what was happening.

1. The first explanation is that I simply started over thinking, as I often do, and my body responded with anxiety. It had nothing to do with meditation and was merely a coincidence. Pretty basic and self explanatory.

2. The next explanation is that mediation can bring to surface suppressed anxiety. Anxiety that we have not come to terms with. This happens so that we can come to terms with it, put it in our past, and move on. It’s an emotional, mental, or spiritual detox if you will.

I feel that explanation 2 is more likely because of the way I choose to handle the situation. In the past, I would have let anxiety take over me or try so hard to suppress it. This time was different. I acknowledged that I was feeling anxiety but I did not attach any reason to it nor did I attach myself to it. Similar to what happened to me during mediation, I separated myself from the anxiety. Something that I was unable to do, nor would I want to, in the past. The symptoms of anxiety and panic slowly started to subside and I could feel myself come back to baseline which actually felt a little more relaxed than what it usually does. Yes, this was an uncomfortable experience. But with it, I feel like I am stronger mentally and spiritual.

August 1, 2016