There you
are. Minding your own business when a thought pops into your head. It could be
anything. Then suddenly, a feeling of dread comes over you. The thought is
ridiculous. You know that. But it will not leave you. For as long as I can
remember, I had these crazy fear-inducing thoughts. They would never leave me!
And when it finally did, another thought replaced it.
I remember
feeling miserable in high school. I lost interest in just about everything. I
felt little joy during Christmas or during other exciting times. I had a tightness
in my chest and I remember going home from school with panic attacks. I believe
I started to feel depressed.
I always
hoped that this was a phase and that when I become an adult, it would go away.
Well, in my early 20s these distressing thoughts still raced through my mind. Coincidentally,
I majored in Psychology. And I do believe in every way that it was meant to be.
I remember studying Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). A certain component of
the disorder caught my attention. OCD may be characterized by intrusive,
obsessive, and often disturbing thoughts.
I could
write a book about my experiences and the sequence of events that helped me
gain control of thoughts. Instead, I have complied a list of what helped bring
me back to reality.
1. OCD is a
mental illness
There is
nothing actually wrong with you for having distressing thoughts. Just because
you thought of your spouse getting into a car accident does not mean you want
them to die. Understanding that this is a disorder helped me so much.
2.
Acceptance
This one was
scary for me. Let's say you're worried you have a terminal illness and you have
6 months left to live. Accept it. I would tell myself that whatever will be,
will be and I will deal with it when (or if) it ever happens. Spoiler alert: it
never happened.
3. The
majority of what you dwell on don't actually happen.
Just know
that not one of my obsessive thoughts ever became a reality. And 90 odd percent
of obsessive thoughts do not become a reality.
4.
Everyone's brains are weird
Everyone in
the world has had weird thoughts pop in their head. You are not alone. But
people with obsessive-compulsive tendencies will dwell on these thoughts. But your
thoughts does not equate with reality. They... are... just... thoughts.
5. Talk to a
professional
I know, it's
awkward, "Hey doc. So, I had a thought of a baby's butt and now I'm
worried I'm a pedophile". But talking to someone who understands may be
the best thing that ever happened to you. I wish I had seen a professional. I
could have put all this in the past a long time ago.
6. Your
brain is like a muscle
Spend too
much time fixated on a thought, and that thought will become stronger than
even. This goes for recovery as well. Breaking bad habits takes time so don't
expect a complete change overnight. Keep practicing and eventually you will be
able to control your thoughts and anxiety.
Becoming
worry-free was so surreal. I took on new interests and hobbies and excelled in
school. Something I didn't do before because my thoughts would distract and
drain me.
Do I still
have OCD? No, I don’t think so. Thoughts and anxiety no longer negatively
affect my daily life. Do I still have obsessive-compulsive tendencies? I do.
But the more time that passes, the stronger I become.
I can't wait
for you experience that moment when you realize you are finally on your way to
becoming worry-free. And I hope this is the beginning for you, if you haven't
started already. And when feel yourself sink back into your thoughts, I hope you
remember something I said and brings you
back to reality. Back to living and just being happy.
Angie
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